Name Retiring

In sports, if a player is great, he gets his number retired by the organization he played for. What's weird is you don't see this phenomenon anywhere else. "Steve, in honor of your 30th consecutive year without an error in accounting, we are retiring your desk to hang from our ceiling." The odd part is, if your evil enough you get your name retired. That's why I'm going to name my first born Adolf. Hitler was a motherfucking asshole, he doesn't deserve to be honored by having his name retired.

Writer's Strike

I loved the writer's strike last year, it gave me the greatest out of all time, unfortunately my English 300 professor didn't find that excuse acceptable when I told her I hadn't done my final paper. Cunt.

Anniversaries

My girlfriend broke up with me today because I "forgot" the 2 month-anniversary of our 1st kiss after our 1st date. I know... she's fucking insane, if the anniversary has more than 1 prepositional phrase, it should not be celebrated.